the perfect waste of time would be to spend the whole day in bed with someone you love, just laughing and rolling around in a sanctuary of pillows. No worries, no thoughts, only his touch, his breath. Your hair falling all over your face and across his, both of us just buried in each others embrace. Nothing else but our laughter and the occasional silent grins of the purest content and happiness. His every kiss makes your toes cringe and curl. You close your eyes and know that you are safe, nothing can get to you now. Basking in this indescribable feeling, not even noticing the sun setting.

-that would be the perfect day-

CLARIFICATION

hello blog/diary...
I need somebody to teach me how to privatize this thing!
I only blog when I am frustrated/sad/depressed/whatever emotions that are not related to happiness. So if you feel like you are depressed or frustrated, please, I beg of you to refrain from reading this blog because it might give you that final probe to jump off the edge of the building. Recently, I learned that frustration leads to aggression. I don't want any of you to bring a gun to class, shoot your peers and source me as your reference of motivation! Hence, I warn you away from this emotional pool of death.
(start monologue *scratches head and wonders why I blog when I am always using the same style of sentences to shoo away people who actually give a shit about my blog.*end monologue)

I have no originality. My introductions are all the same. GOSH. DISAPPOINTMENT.

Okay, so lets get down to business.
I am blogging for a purpose.
I want to clarify some things.

Here is my life routine:
I wake up in the morning for class. Then I go to the bathroom because I am usually desperate for a relief of urine in the morning. While I am already in the bathroom, I take this GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY to brush my teeth. Now that my teeth is clean, I wash my face. I head back to my room and lie on the bed for a few minutes, not realizing how late I already am for class until Michele texts me to go down. Rushed, I open the cupboard and browse through the clothes. Pulling it over my head and through my trunk like calves, I am now ready for class with the exception of not brushing my hair on certain days. Running down the infinite stairs and pushing hard at elevator buttons with the hope that if I press hard enough the elevator might speed up a bit. Speed walking to class, on the way, I finally realize that I don't know where I am heading to. I text Michele in the midst of walking aimlessly towards campus grounds to find out the class I should be heading to. When I finally reach my destination, sweat trickles with a continuous flow down my scalp, streaming down my neckline and into places unknown. Classes are boring... so lets fast forward. I try to pay attention in class but I often fail myself after 10 minutes, give or take. Moving on... After class I head back to my room with Michele. Dragging my feet up to the hostel which looks near but is actually not! DECEPTION. I plop myself onto the bed and not budge for at least 3 hours, no give just take. Dinner is subjective. Then I laze around the room for a while longer. I know some of you have realized that I havent bathed since morning. I then head to the showers to take a warm bath *I BATHE TOO* Feeling all fresh and clean... ITS TIME TO WATCH WEEDS!!! I usually end up sleeping at 3-4 am. which is kinda annoying because I have no self-control! If I have exams, I do the same thing... except I sacrifice watching weeds time with studying my lecture notes.

So heres the main point. If I studied, its usually the night before. If you ask me, I will tell you the truth. If I didn't I will admit it too. If you ask me questions related to the subject, I will always try to help you. But in the end it is pretty much useless asking me because I am BLANK. If you ask me an hour or two prior the exam, I can answer you. If you ask me three days after the exam, I can answer you. I don't lie about the time spent on revision because there is nothing to lie about. I ain't a Kiasu piece of shit. I cannot control the outcome of the exam. Everyone tries to do well. Nobody tries to fail. You may see me as a two faced bitch but here I am, telling you the reality of it all.

I have witnesses! I usually only realize that my notes are always incomplete and only have them printed the night prior the paper! NAH! how's that for solid evidence!

*ANGRY*

When you're feeling horrible and you just want to rant to your heart's satisfaction, here's where you do it, a left-to-rot blog that hasn't been updated for a long time; therefore long forgotten. Even though this is a post that most probably is accessible to almost every person around the globe with the convenience of the internet, I still choose to pour my woes out here. One reason - I'm freakin' stupid.
*I really hope nobody reads this. Stumbling over this post in a few months time is fine. But not when it's just fresh out of the oven.*
I feel depressed. Yes, I do. Pathetic and darn annoying. Life right now just isn't what it used to be. It's totally out of my comfort zone. II used to be a contented happy child, occasionally could pass of as a spoilt brat. I had everything. Family, abundant variety of friends, intact social life, no worries about everyday meals, a home to go back to at the end of the day and familiar roads and faces wherever I turned. But now, all that has changed. I feel like I am still living in those days whereas my friends have already taken off from that chapter and jumped right into the next without even glancing back. It is so easy for them to just leave behind the memories to be stored preciously in an chapter that has been concluded and closed. Why can't I? College is great. I love my new found friends. Its now the 2nd sem. They're pretty much everything in my life now. I should have moved on by now right. So why is my soul still lingering in the yesteryears? Maybe these friends are different. I am still finding out and accepting their flaws while I show them mine and hope that they accept me, all in all. I'm paranoid that they secretly hate me and I worry because my scope of friends is so small compared to my years in Kluang. I was so sure of myself, then. I knew that I always had security of friendship and love from the people around me. My parents, they were always there for me. They would hear me grumble and shout, cry and laugh, and they'd be there to advice and support me. Now, they're so faraway. Not even a phone call away. It seems like I am coping well, but I'm not. I lost my home. The place I grew up in for 11 years. Now I am living like a nomad. My home is where I stay, and where I stay is where my home is. It isn't fair. I don't get pampered like a child any more. I have to be responsible for all expenditure and face all the consequences of decisions made by my own hand. My sister, don't get me started. It will never end. I have just started to love a stranger that has suddenly appeared in my life at the right time, but I am afraid that my heart is wandering. I am so confused. A relationship that is only like the surface of the great ocean. I feel the waves, but it is only I who feel it. I am afraid that I am trying to find every reason to fight and cause choppy waves on our still waters. I have forgotten to turn to God. I think that is my greatest problem.

The Importance of important importancy.

hello.
I am updating again. SURPRISED?
I am surprised myself...

Current location: Taylor's University College
Specific current location: Student Live Centre

Right after exams I come out to receive texts from Jeannette, Patricia and Michele telling me that they've gone back home.
Its a force of habit that I sit through the entire time of the exam. High school was never kind enough to allow students to walk out of the examination hall as long as they have finished and handed in their paper. I remember how my teacher's used to tell me, "Finished? Check. Checked? Re-check. Re-checked? Is it all correct? If not, check again." Since then I've somehow always felt that I can't hand in the paper until I have fully utilized the time to its maximum. And that brings us back to the beginning of my story of why I am sitting here, alone, hungry and transportless.

Supposed to be studying for my next subject, but instead, I have decided that I need to rest my brain in order to fully focus on studying for the next subject. This is why we are now here, at this point, where I was bored enough to start blogging.

Dear readers (if I have any)

I am truly sorry to inform you that I have not been inspired to blog of anything that may have a small ounce of hope that this post will come across as anything near interesting. I am also truly sorry for my tendency to write long complicated sentences that may make you feel like slapping me when you reach the end of the sentence and discover that I have been bringing you in circles when it actually carries a very simple meaning. For this, I apologise. Sometimes, I even confuse myself. I have a twisted mind. I would also like to inform you that I am utterly bored and am typing down anything that comes to my nyawa-nyawa ikan brain. Therefore, this post could have no direction and will get a bit tiresome after a while. There are no promises for a short post although I have nothing to write about; but in fact I can almost guarantee that it will be a unexplainable long essay with absolutely no significance. With that said, my dear readers, you may stop reading anytime and turn back before it is too late.

Those who have left, I bid you farewell. For those who are with me, as the force was with Luke Skywalker, I would like to exclaim with great courage and might, "Let us now begin our journey!" *not for the faint at heart* Before we begin, please use your imagination when reading this even if it takes all your strength and might to do so. It is vital.

Let me take you into a world where no human has ever been or even dared to look at...
Imagine...

Blue skies filled with fluffy white clouds. A rainbow streaked across the beautiful sky. The sun peeps shyly from behind a single cloud only allowing glimmers or sunlight to reflect in the flowing river below. It was a perfect morning. Too perfect to be true. It was so perfect you could almost see pixies dancing on daisies and freakin' thumberlina for that matter. *those who don't know Thumberlina, shame on u! Disney character* There was bound to be something wrong with that magical scene. Blue skies? They don't exist anymore. Could this all be a dream? A world where skies were raining hail stones as large as meteors would be easier to believe. But standing in the middle of the green pastures, looking around me, trying so hard to find a flaw, I still couldn't believe the beauty. I stated to let this reality sink in and soak in the beauty of it all. When suddenly...

Actually, dear readers, I don't know where I am heading with this. Since I have been distracted by my facebook, my flow of imagination has been turned off and on. Hence, I have lost the inspiration to lead you into this journey. Thank you for kindly reading and being patient with me.

People you never noticed

Its been super duper long since I touched my blog. But one night I just suddenly got an epiphany to blog again. So here I am again, posting.

Yesterday, I was heading back to Bandar Sunway, where I stay now, from Bukit Jalil. It was my third time taking public transport our wonderful country Malaysia had provided for us, suvillians with no cars. It was a typical hot and sunny evening. The sun shone brightly; humidity as merciless as usual. It was already 5.15 in the evening when I started off my journey from bf's place. It was a nice stroll to Sri Petaling Lrt station, hand in hand with the person I adore so much. Despite the sweat that was dripping from my head to my toes and in between places I shouldn't mention and you readers shouldnt imagine, not forgetting the uneven roads, I would say that I enjoyed the walk. Reached the station, bought tickets and got into the Lrt. Bf had to get of at Bukit Jalil to go to the bus station. Hence, we said our goodbyes as he repeated instructions for the next station to me for the 3rd time. The hardest thing to do is to watch him leave as the electronic doors open and close after him, knowing that it would be another long and tiring week without seeing him. The next stop, I watched as people got off and got on. Each guy having a good stare at my legs before taking their seats. All I could think abour is how stupid I was to wear shorts. The next station and I got off; Bandar Tasik Selatan. The first thing I think to myself is, "Oh my gosh! The line." Hundreds of people at the station, all with the same purpose - getting to the next destination.

I finally get to buy my ticket. This time, KTM to KL sentral. Fortunately, the wait wasn't long compared to other times. Sometimes, the wait for the KTM is so long it can reach an hour. Horrible, I tell you. I get onto the Ktm with no struggle or tug. The train is resonably empty. No seats available, but it was a comfortable stand except for these two indian girls who were sharing the holding pole with me. OMG. One of them keep pressing her bossoms against the pole where my hand was. Then I move my hand. Naturally, touching someone else's bossoms isn't my favourite thing to do. When I move my hand, she holds the same place, her hand just slightly overlapping mine. I move my hand AGAIN, and so does she - right on top of mine. All I could think about is if she was a lesbian. She kept on putting her hands on her friend and leaning close towards her friend who was obviously annoyed. Gah! At everystop I wished so hard that they would get off. The digital voice in the train announced, "Next stop, Midvalley" half the people in the train got off but three times of the people who stepped off, stepped on. The crowd was annoyingly large. You could feel people pushing at you and tugging their way into the train. At that moment, I felt like pushing them all out. Thank goodness the next stop was where I wanted to get off. But somehow the train ride their was painfully long.

Kl sentral, need I say, was filled with all sorts of people. Bought my ticket to my last stop - Setia Jaya. My timing was fortunately perfect. I only needed to wait 5 minutes for the train. At this point, I was sweating. It was hot and crowded. I heard the announcer ask all passengers to line up at the green line. I found the green line with a very vague queue. It was a very good queue for Malaysian standards though. And praise the Lord for ladies couch because when the trian arrived the "queue" meant nothing. Push for your life. Push or get left behind. Being the good Malaysian citizen that I am, I did it the Malaysian way and PUSHED. I barely made it on the train. The doors closed and I saw all the disappointed and frustrated faces that were left behind. In the train, everyone was stuck together... literally. You could feel people breathing down your neck and your face at someone's bossoms. I was sweating like a cow at this point. The body heat that was transmitted was incredibly unbareable. I could see my sweat dripping from the ends of my very messy hair as gravity pulled it to the ground I could not see. I looked up and saw a lady crying. She was fair, dolly-eyed and such a natural beauty who had tears in her eyes and a tissue in her hand. I thought to myself, "What could her story be?" Then I turned my head slightly to the left and I saw another lady, Chinese this time. She seemed uptight. She wore a frown that was so distinctive on her forehead. Someone then coughed on the right of where I was squashed. Everyone seemed to automatically cover their mouths and noses, afraid of the popular spread of H1N1. A girl, texting vigourously at my ears and breathing right down my neck keep letting out sighs of annoyance as if she was too important to be squashed with people beneath her. You may say I am judgemetal but I would classify her as a bitch. She had this look on her face that said she was better than this and everyone should move so that she had space to breathe. With sweat trickling down my neck every nanosecond, I could tell that she didnt like me standing near her with my sweatiness. I did somewhat feel self-conscious about the rate I was perspiring, but I couldnt help it. Its the genes I inherited. The smell of differnt odours all fused together in a cramped up train with absolutely no ventilation. At this point, all you can think about is how much you wish a load of people would get off the train at the next stop. Doors opened and closed and only a person or two stepped off and have three more step in. My smell receptors soon stopped sending signals to my brain and the stench wasn't so bad anymore. Three school girls stepped in at a stop. And, Oh My Goodness. The smell - unbareable. Their voices filled the couch. Loud and inconsiderate it echoed through out the train. Shallow conversation that I could barely take anymore contaminated my brain and thoughts. I started wishing the train would move faster. The journey was such a painfully slow one. I had to stand there for 45 minutes without holding on to anything, only fighting the inertia of the train with my legs. That was the moment where I thanked God for giving me thunder thighs to withstand the jerks. Finally, I got off the train. Another 15 minutes walk to home.

Taking the Lrt and Ktm is pretty rough and tiring. But cheap. Way cheaper than being ripped off by taxi drivers. The ride can be pretty interesting sometimes. Observing people and their facial expressions, everyone has a story to tell and they are all different from yours.

UNDANG!

hello world.
today I took my undang test. It was a pretty long wait... which was kinda good cos i needed to study.LOL.
Yes, as I did during SPM, I procastinated.
I was bloody nervous when I went in to take the test.
I sat down at that small cubical staring at the computer, hands all sweaty.
"this is it",I told myself.
first, the colour blind test...8/8 (what a relief i'm not colour blind)
second, the vision test...full marks (luckily I'm not blind)
then... the moment came. pass or fail... question after question.
my hands sweating perfusely, my eyes shifting from word to word, the time ticking second by second. I completed all 50 questions. 35 minutes left on the clock...
Therefore, I checked all my answers... and then, the moment of truth came...
suspense was rising, my head was spinning, heart pounding...PASS! 48/50!
OMG!!! I passed? lmao. I couldn't believe it at first, but then reality started to sink in. I was so excited i thin I probably texted almost evryone. haha.
I seriously thoought i would fail lor. LOL.
I CANT WAIT TO DRIVE! haha.
today is Rachel Heng's birthday...
She's like one of my bestest friends ever. We started off as classmates in form 1. I didn't talk to her and she didn't to me. There was some sort of communication barrier, as most of you know that I am a BANANA. LOL. Then we joined the golf club in school and with the help of Mr Philip, we started practicing seriously. There was only the both of us and Timmy,Zhiguang and Aizat. 3 guys and 2 girls. Of coarse we stuck together lar. Who would have known that we would be so close. today she turns 18. a young lady, like a blooming flower, pretty and elegent as ever. I appologize for baking u the fugliest cake ever. LOL. its only my second attempt at baking. LOL. next time'll be better. Happy Birthday Rachel Heng. XOXO

Inspired.

hey.
so yeah. my blog evaporated in the midst of spm.
somehow, when i am bored (studying) i have more time to blog ? LMAO.
after spm was just hectic. seriously. LOL.
so much fun stuff happened.
1.Movie marathon in mayo's house.
-awesome~ we watched jennifer's body,paranormal activities (i slept through that-scary),cloudy with a chance of meatballs, 500 days of summer, american pie (fell asleep-no. It failed to humour me or make me horny) LOL.
serously fun. we should have another.
2.Undang
-not really much to say. overall- boring.
3.Junior Championship
-It wasnt very good. hadn't played for 2 months. ended up having my face on the floor and having it step on by an elephant. gosh. i guess only some ppl would understand lar. haha. read betwee the lines.
4.Dyed my hair
-my hair is no longer Jet Black. its now brown. i dunno what kinda brown, but its only a slight difference lar. lol. i wanted to try. so... yeah .
5.trip to KL
-let me just start of with saying , OMG, I SEE YOU! (inside joke)
I went with generally the Zubinators, minus karmun and zubin, i must say we missed u ALOT! wished u could've joined us. and an additional 1 person ? haha. HILARY! We stayed at a 4 star apartment/hotel place. Yes, it was expensive, but so worth it. Took the monorail for the first time! its an schievement. Learnt alot of chinese and understood a whole lot more of cold jokes. (step on lemons)-jianjie. OMG. oh ya. got stuck with saying OMG. Got blamed for influencing ppl in becoming crazy. watched a rm19 3D show for the first time- Avatar, at 12.15 til 3 am. then got hooked saying, i see you-its from the movie which btw, i hated. those blue creatures... eiu, gross! din sleep the entire night. played pingpong for the first time in a long time. basically i was just picking up balls after surfing. duh! reached kluang and went to parkson with our luggage. ppl were staring, obviously and we were telling them we were form kl. lmao. shameless kan!oh oh oh! I forgot one other shameless bit. We ate in carl's junior, packed back (stole) salt, pepper, onions and tomatos. then we cooked speggheti with the ingredients at night. haha. which tasted SO GOOD. haha. when u work hard for ur food it always taste better when u work for it. LOL. seriously it was cheap and tasted good. there were alot of small parts of the trip that made everything fit so beautifully together. it wasnt the perfect getaway, but it was definately the perfect get together.
6.Back to KK
-It was a good 15 day trip. um. time with family. managed to catch up with cousins and spend time with daddy and mummu. played golf in various places. decided that my golf needs help. seriously. need to practice. haha. Christmas... cant really remember what i did. i think i just chilled at grandma's. had dinner with daddy's side for dinner. the usual. almost cried on new year out of desperation to come back to kluang. i missed my friends. i spent my new year watching dark night. omg... haha. I enjoyed the beach though. until i found out there was algae and a sewege line from some hotel was directly to the beach. gross. went to daddy's reunion. found out that i was exactly i like him when he was in school. so nice to see all daddy's friends. i think its adorable. I hope i have reunions too. LOL. there is really too much to write about kk. it was a king trip. on christmas... i got my laptop - vaio, red. i remember 2 years ago i was ogling at the vaio. i never would have thought that one day i would have one of my own. wow. THANKS, pa! lol. blog more about this another time.

actually, just a few minutes ago i was very inspired after reading someone's blog. I do not know this guy. i came about his blog after reading jennis's blog. he was a golfer. he passed away on the 3rd of jan. I have heard of him but I never had the honour in meeting him. I decided to take a look at his blog. even though i don't know him, he has managed to inspire me through his blog. his faith in God and the way he carried through life despite his condition. he put me to shame. I heard that he was a very promising golf player and played a low handicap when he was very young. he was unfortunately diagnose with leukimia and a whole load of things after. That however is not important. every post in his blog was inspired by God's word and teaching. He made me feel ashamed of myself. of how faraway i am from God. I have taken God's blessings for granted. He has blessed me in so many ways. Although this person died at the young age of 21, I believe that he is now with our Heavenly father in heaven rejoicing with the angels. Through his words on his blog and his faith even at the most crucial moments, he has managed to reach out to many people including me. Personally, he has opened my eyes and madde me realise how important God is and how much God wants me to grow closer to him. I have been a very lousy Christian. My new years resolution, Grow closer to God everyday. Thank You Andy Gan for your faith and preachings through your blog. God has his purpose for everthing.